I feel a little like I'm visiting baby boot camp here! These amazing new parents are going from zero to sixty overnight! The parents who have done this before have a little advantage on the first-timers, but not as much as you'd think - parents and babies adjusting to each others' temperaments and personalities at a pretty advanced stage really ups the ante! We woke up this morning and headed down to breakfast and a whole lot of wide-eyed faces - parents and babies alike. Even though it had been less than 24 hours, most of the sentences began something like "She's kind of grumpy in the mornings," or "She's happiest in the mornings" - but I understand that feeling that you've been with this other human being forever, Rather than for as short of a time as it's been. This is one of those times that time truly becomes relative. (Speaking of human beings, that reminds me of my favorite recent conversation with Jordan. Somehow, we've been talking a lot lately about what it means to be a human being. And Jordan will sob in a melodramatic way "But I don't WANT to be human!" And I'll ask "Well, what do you want to be?" And she'll say "I just want to be Jordan." And she is - so very, very Jordan, and so very, very human.) Being around these families all the time makes my heart just ache and ache for mine - for hearing Sawyer's laugh and smelling his beautiful baby smell, for those wonderful, rich conversations with Jordan and the tighter than tight hugs she gives me, for watching their smiles with Tom and his smiles for them. I am beyond grateful for my family.

After breakfast, we headed back to the Office of Civil Affairs for the official signing of paperwork, giving of gifts, handing over of various fees. Every wooden bench in the waiting room was packed with American, Spanish and Dutch families. It was hot, babies were crying, and my body responded like any nursing mother's would - but don't get too hopeful Sawyer, we're shutting down the factory no matter what! We went from room to room, parents dropping off envelopes of money, signing forms with fingerprints, footprints, signatures, taking photos, answering questions (Do you love this baby? Will you take care of her always?), handing over wrapped gifts - piles and piles of beauty products, candies, jewelry - anything from the USA that didn't say "Made in China" - and let me tell you, shopping for these gifts was a challenge! It was stifling, babies were going past nap time, severely over-stimulated and totally befuddled by the mixture of languages, faces, emotions.But all for good. I have found myself asking as many questions as I can of people - where they are form, whether this is their first child, how old their baby is, etc. Today at the office there was a couple adopting their 4th baby - her cousin had adopted a baby from China two years ago and talked about meeting the baby her new daughter had shared a room with at the orphanage and how hard it was to understand why one had found a home and one hadn't - so they tracked down this roommate, and since the process takes about 18months to 2 years, they were just coming to bring her home now. The little girl was just four, Jordan's height and near her age, a beautiful girl and so sad and confused with the change - but her new parents were so overwhelmed with love, and hearing the story about how she came to be with them was so overwhelming, it was easy to imaging six months from now this girl happy and laughing with her siblings and her own Chinese-born cousin, in a home with parents who loved her.

We've been totally impressed with the care these babies seem to be receiving at the orpahanges - they are healthy and well fed, and clearly used to love and affection, tho also used to spending plenty of time alone. And it certainly isn't that there's a huge number of unwanted babies in this country - there are a lot of special circumstances, and that they take such wonde3rful care of them in the orphanages, and that they are willing to let foreigners adopt them out of country I think is testament to the love they have for them. What I've learned is that Mao, in the 40's encouraged families to procreate like crazy - strength in numbers - until a leading advisor finally got it through to the powers that followed that overpopulation would lead to the demise of the country rater than to it's strength, and the one child doctrine was added - actually, it's the third in a triumvirate of "rules" that aso includes late marriage and having children later in life with attached fines and what not. This is all well and good for city dwellers, 80% of whom live in apartments and for whom the lifestyle of doting on one child is perfectly agreeable - the children live close by and gender is much less of an issue - in fact, having a girl is very desirable for those parents wanting to raise a "princess."

In the rural areas, however, it's a different story: if you work the land, for instance, you need laborers as so much is still done by hand in the old tradition, without benefit of new machinery or technology. Also, when a woman is married, she follows her husband to where his family lives, and it is expected that the male children are responsible for the care of their parents in their old age - if you have a girl, you have no one to help you and certainly no retirement benefits or SS. So, in the country, if your first child is a girl, you are allowed to, after 4 years, try for a second child. No matter the gender, you stop after that second one. So, if the second child is also a girl, that is usually the instance that the child will be abandoned. It's no secret within a community that someone is pregnant - and the abandonment of children is an open secret - a neighbor will not turn in a neighbor for this indiscretion, lest the same fate befall them. And it's important to note that the children are abandoned with full intent that they will be put in orphanages and hopefully adopted -they are abandoned at hospitals, government buildings, restaurants, train stations, etc. There are incredible fines for having more than one child, for birthing before 4 years have passed, etc. It's a tough system. The rate of abandonment is dramatically decreasing as cultural values and practices are brought more up to date, as girls are valued more in rural areas, and elder care is being changed for the better. Domestic adoptions are rising dramatically as well, the later and later marrying age of women lending itself to adoption of healthy, available babies.

The middle floors of this hotel are offices for local businesses, the burgeoning Chinese middle class, and the elevators are crammed mid-day with bewildered looking parents pushing Chinese babies in strollers, and Chinese yuppies, guppies, and dinks yammering on cell phones or heading out in packs to lunch. This business center is always good for a desperate dad making rounds in the stroller, coming back to ask how many scoops of formula per ounce of water or "where in the bloody hell you put the wipes". Proud grandparents roam the hallways, and I have given a couple lessons on how to put on a baby Bjorn or get a child in a swing, or what to do for teething or constipation or whatever. I feel like an honorary aunt to 11 families, and proudest aunt to one gorgeous baby girl!

Speaking of the baby girl - Cerys/ZiLi is just about the most mellow baby around - plenty of poop explosions, bouts of vomiting and lots of spilling/spitting/messing - but the girl pretty much doesn't cry or fuss. I found a few tricks to make her laugh and I swear she sounds just like Sawyer when she does - like a new spring waterfall or the tinkle of glasses chiming "cheers' - just adorable, makes my heart melt. Her bowels are working just fine and she's got the runny nose that just seems to go along with being 101/2 months - every last one of these kids has it - and she's drinking plenty of formula but we haven't gotten her to eat too much. Other families are relying on Veronica, or amazing guide, to whip up some special infant's constipation relief tea, an dare walking the halls in that new parent daze, trying to get the tears to stop - I love that glassy, wide-eyed new parent stare - no matter how old the new -to-you baby is, the look in the eyes is always the same! Cerys has a definite old-soul look, always very serious and very serene, so when she laughs, it's a double treat - but she really and truly doesn't cry - Becky is lucky in that department! There are babies who have barely stopped crying, they're so out of sorts, and lots and lots in-between. I feel like I'm staying on a maternity ward from an episode of the Twilight Zone! Becky is taking to mothering like a fish to water, and Cerys has eyes only for her - she'll let me make her laugh and hold her when Becky is showering or taking care of paperwork or at a meeting, but otherwise, she wants her mama.

Ok, hopefully the two of them are fast asleep - tomorrow we visit the local Wal Mart (did I mention about the Twilight Zone?), so that should be a story in and of itself...

love to all!

H