Since I've been home from China, I feel like I've been living closer to life - as though a layer of my skin has been peeled away, a lens over my eyes removed, the filter on my ears turned down. My gratitude for and appreciation of - well, everything - has been heightened.

Good friends of ours - people I love and admire and have long thought would be fabulous parents - are in the middle of adopting a baby boy domestically. By American adoption standards, he is in ridiculously good health - no drug or alcohol addictions or issues, no brain damage or apparent disability, and as for his physical health, he was seven weeks preemie and just went through his second hernia surgery, but that's practically nothing considering what's common out there. I think over and over again of the twelve little girls I had the absolute joy of being with as they transitioned initially to their new families, of their amazing great health - and being home I think about how deep it goes into the culture they came from. Part of the rawness that I've been experiencing and feeling comes from seeing once more the country I live in - and this is in no way a diss on the USA. But, honestly, we've got to try for some persective on the place we live - we've got to see it for all it's good and bad so we can strive to make it better.

Nagging at the back of my brain have been comments posted on web sites and message boards by adopting American families grousing about the food in China, the cleanliness, the difficulties of conversing while there. And a huge voice in me is screaming "Well, wake up! It's China! You're not going to another state, you are a GUEST in another country - a country generous and humble enough to allow you to come in and adopt one of their beloved citizens - and having been there, I do know and believe with all my heart that these children who are being adopted are absolutely beloved.

I see my friends going the domestic adoption route struggling with delay after delay based on budget cuts in our California counties, faced with absolute challenges to their adoption in the final moments because of the freedom and rights we assign to our citizens - no matter that the father is having difficulty keeping his court dates and shuffling his various legal issues in order to deal with this issue of parenthood which is riding on his breezy whims - one day, yes, I'm the boy's father, the next no, I've got too much shit to deal with - and a mother who functions at the level of an 8 year old. As my friends sat in the waiting room of the hospital while the child that has been their son in their hearts from the moment his picture first landed in their laps two months ago had surgery, the birth mother burst through the doors, she'd been informed of the surgery as per her parental rights - she'd had to sign papers since parental rights hadn't been terminated - a strike in one government office or another had delayed paperwork. Not only were my friends dealing with the anguish and stress of their baby in surgery, but dealing with this adult child as well. The compassion and generosity they've demonstrated through this process has floored me. I visit them, bring them clothes, toys, advice, laughter, tears. I drink their tea or coffee and hold their son and am surprised that they sleep (even as little as they do) since nothing is definite - yet. This son that is theirs in all the ways that matters is not theirs yet legally. The parents adopting the Chinese babies speak about the "red string" connecting them to their child. And that small thread seems so much stronger than the legal strings that tie this child to his true parents.

I thank China for the lack of drug abuse, for the lack of alcohol abuse and for the simple fact that drinking there is simply not a priority, so Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Disorder are kept far at bay without even trying. I am no fool, I know that it's not necessarily a sense of honor or duty or cultural superiority that dictates this as much as the fact that it's simply a less developed country, that it's such a different culture, on such a different timeline. But it's ok to be grateful for those things, for the fact that it means that they do live a healthier lifestyle - eat a healthier diet, birth fewer babies with these specific issues.

My husband has been taking a class in special education, has been blown away in his substitute teaching by the scope of challenges our students - mainstream and otherwise - are dealing with because of the variety of options in our society. Today he said to me, "Thank you for taking care of yourself when you were pregnant - and your whole life before that. Thank you for taking your vitamins, for eating right, for giving birth healthily to our children, because I have seen what happens if you don't."

My breath catches in my chest thinking about my friends and about thier adoption they are waiting so patiently to complete. All conscious parenting blows me away, but adoption has lately been so in the forefront of my mind. You parents are amazing. OK, jumping off the philosphical soap box now.